Discover the Power of Setting Boundaries

As unpaid carers juggling many different roles, it’s essential for our mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing to set clear boundaries. Defining these limits helps prevent us from taking on more than we can manage, ensuring the care we provide remains sustainable for both ourselves and our loved ones. Learning to set boundaries is not selfish; it’s a vital part of protecting our own health while continuing to offer care.

Why Should We Set Boundaries?

Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining your wellbeing and the quality of care you provide. The impact of not setting boundaries, or when boundaries become blurred, can be cumulative and have damaging effects over time.

Without clear boundaries, it’s easy to find ourselves taking on more than we can handle. This often leads to feelings of resentment, not just towards the person we’re caring for but also towards those who aren’t stepping up to help. I know many of us have experienced that frustration.

Burnout can creep up on us, leaving us physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. A 2019 survey by Carers UK highlighted that 40% of us hadn’t taken a break from our caring responsibilities in over a year, which is just staggering.

Many unpaid carers, myself included at times, end up sacrificing our own needs and relationships. A 2018 study by Carers Trust found that 57% of carers lost touch with friends or family because of their caring role.

The toll on our health can be significant, both mentally and physically. Carers UK reports that 65% of us have struggled with mental health issues due to our caring role, and 61% have faced physical health problems. It’s a heavy burden, and we need to take care of ourselves too.

Financial strain can also become an unwelcome companion. When we’re juggling caring responsibilities, it can interfere with our ability to work. The NHS estimates that around 600 people quit their jobs every day in the UK to care for older or disabled relatives.

Lastly, when we’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed, it can affect the quality of care we provide. It can be difficult, but we need to remember that looking after ourselves is just as important as looking after those we care for. Let’s support each other in finding that balance.

What Does Setting Boundaries Look Like?

Time boundaries are a big one. It’s important to set clear hours for both caring and having your own time, where possible. For example, you might choose to care from 8 AM to 6 PM, then make sure you’ve got the evening to yourself. But when you’re the sole carer, it can feel impossible to carve out time for yourself. You may not be able to take an evening off or have an entire day to yourself, and that’s okay. However, it’s still important to find small ways to create moments of rest. Even if you can't take long breaks, try to find pockets of time during the day; maybe just five minutes to sit with a cup of tea or do some deep breathing.

If you’re struggling to get any personal time, you might be eligible for some extra support, like respite care or help at home. It’s worth reaching out to local services or talking to a healthcare professional to see if you can put a care plan in place that gives you a bit more time to focus on your own wellbeing, even if it’s just in small doses.

Remember, looking after yourself is just as important as caring for your loved one, and there may be more help available than you realise. Don’t hesitate to ask for it, it’s not a sign of weakness, but a necessary step in keeping yourself going.

Emotional boundaries can help stop the weight of caring from taking over completely. It’s hard to watch someone you care for struggle but try to empathise without getting too caught up in their emotions. Simple things like deep breathing or counting to ten when you feel overwhelmed can really help. You could even give yourself a set “worry time” each day, where you allow yourself to think through your concerns, so they don’t dominate every moment.

Physical boundaries matter too. It’s okay to have your own space and make it clear when you need it. You could decide that certain areas in your home are off-limits or require permission to enter. Listen to your body and be open about your own physical limits as well, and take regular breaks, especially if your caring role is physically demanding.

If you’re juggling a job as well, setting work boundaries is key. Make sure you take proper breaks and finish work on time. It helps to be upfront with your colleagues about when you’re available and what your limitations are. Try to use your lunch break for self-care rather than cramming in more work or caring duties. If you’re working from home, it can be useful to have a separate space for work so there’s a clear divide between work and caring.

Putting boundaries in place isn’t selfish - it’s about making sure you have the energy to keep going. We all need to take care of ourselves too.

How Do We Go About Setting Boundaries Effectively?

Setting boundaries can be tricky, but it’s essential if we want to stay healthy while caring for others. Here’s how we can go about it effectively.

First off, decide in advance. It helps to plan out your boundaries before you’re in a situation where you feel overwhelmed. Knowing what you need from the start makes it easier to stick to them.

Next, identify your limits. Take some time to reflect on what you can realistically manage, both physically and emotionally. It’s easy to take on too much, but knowing your limits is key.

When you’re ready to set those boundaries, communicate clearly. Be firm but respectful when explaining them, whether it’s to the person you’re caring for or others around you. It’s important that people understand where you stand.

Be consistent with your boundaries. Once you’ve set them, stick to them. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but being consistent helps establish new patterns and expectations.

One of the hardest parts can be learning to say no, but it’s absolutely okay to decline requests that push your limits. You don’t need to justify it—just remember that your wellbeing matters too.

Always prioritise self-care. Make sure you’re carving out time for yourself to recharge, whether it’s a hobby, a walk, or simply resting. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

And finally, seek support when you need it. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, whether it’s from family, friends, or professional services. You don’t have to do everything alone.

Setting boundaries is about finding balance, so we can keep going without burning out. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

What Do We Do When Boundaries Are Tested?

Setting boundaries is one thing, but maintaining them can be tough. Here are some strategies to help when your boundaries are pushed:

First, keep your cool. If someone crosses a line, respond calmly instead of reacting in the heat of the moment. It’ll help you handle the situation better.

Next, it’s reminder time. If needed, gently remind others of the boundaries you’ve already discussed. People might forget, so a calm nudge can help them remember.

Make sure to stand your ground. Be firm and follow through with any consequences you’ve set if boundaries are repeatedly ignored. It shows that you’re serious about maintaining them.

At the same time, be willing to flex when needed. If a boundary isn’t working, be open to adjusting it. Sometimes a little tweaking can make all the difference.

Finally, don’t hesitate to call in the pros. If you’re finding it hard to maintain your boundaries, seek help from a coach, therapist, or counsellor. A bit of outside support can make a world of difference.

Final Thoughts

Remember, setting and maintaining boundaries takes practice, and it’s okay if it feels tricky at first. Be patient with yourself as you find what works best for you and those around you.

Disclaimer

This article provides general guidance on setting boundaries for unpaid carers. The information presented is for educational purposes only and should not be considered professional advice. Every caring situation is unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Readers are encouraged to consult with healthcare professionals, social workers, or counsellors for personalised advice tailored to their specific circumstances. If you're experiencing significant stress or health issues related to your caring role, please seek immediate professional help.

The authors and publishers of this article are not responsible for any decisions made based on this information. Setting and maintaining boundaries can be complex, especially in caring relationships. Always prioritise the safety and wellbeing of both you and the person you're caring for when implementing any changes to your caring routine.